Thank you all for the many messages after reading my last post. All of your emails, texts, comments, and wall posts have truly touched me. I have to say that I did struggle with whether or not I should post my story. Now I am glad that I did. Now that the story is on this blog it feels like I'm removed from it, at times as if it happened to someone else. It felt like a release to publish it and I can now look at things from a new perspective. I think sharing what I went through that night has definitely helped with my grieving process.
Eventhough I am still struggling, today I am trying to look at things in a positive way. Here is what I have so far...
1.) I am thankful that I was at home in Tennessee when all of this happened. I can not imagine how terribly difficult it would have been to have been 1600 miles away struggling to get to my family. It took David 2 days and $1400 to get there and he felt sad, helpless, and alone that entire time.
2.) I am thankful that I got to see Alex on his last day on this earth. I got to give him a hug and talk with him a bit. If I hadn't been visiting, it would have been since Christmas that I had seen him.
3.) I am thankful that Alex died instantly on impact in the accident. I don't know how I would be doing if I knew that I watched as he suffered and burned to death. It is comforting to know that he was not in pain.
4.) I am also thankful that Alex is not a vegetable - brain dead, laying in a hospital bed only being kept alive by machines, medications, feeding tubes, ect. I'm thankful that we are not forced to make decisions that would be very difficult regarding his care.
5.) I am thankful that there was no one in the car with Alex and that no one else was hurt during the accident.
6.) I am thankful that I have an amazing husband who continues to be supportive of me as I'm struggling with my feelings. He has done the laundry, the dishes, cleaned the house, and so much more when these tasks seemed too overwhelming for me to tackle.
7.) I am thankful for my big loving family and all of their support for me, my sister, and my parents even as they are grieving as well. I am especially thankful for my parents and sister.
8.) I am thankful for my loving cousin/twin Catherine who flew immediately to Tennessee and stayed with me. She worked very hard making a beautiful slide show in Alex's memory that we will always treasure.
9) I am thankful for my beautiful niece Maggie who always brightens the day with her presence. Her uncle "Agalex" loved her dearly.
10) I am thankful for my loving friends in Utah who have brought David and I dinner for the past three weeks as well as beautiful flowers and sweet cards. These precious girls know me well - within 24 hours of my arrival back in Utah I had 4 different people bring me cupcakes. They helped brighten my day when I needed it most. It would be so much harder to be so far away without the love, care, and generosity of these special people. I am especially thankful for my sweet best friend Emily who has made me feel like I have family out here in Utah when I'm feeling so far from my own.
11.) I am thankful for all of the sweet visits (when I was in TN), calls, messages, emails, and cards from my loving friends in Tennessee. Even though I am far away now, you all continue to show me love and support. I love all of the calls, cards, and messages.
Even in this tragedy I know that God has blessed me and my family beyond what we deserve. Dealing with the loss of our beloved Alex is still hard, I am struggling still, but we are making it day by day with the help of those who love us.