Sunday, April 17, 2011

Trying to Think Positive Thoughts

Thank you all for the many messages after reading my last post.  All of your emails, texts, comments, and wall posts have truly touched me.  I have to say that I did struggle with whether or not I should post my story.  Now I am glad that I did.   Now that the story is on this blog it feels like I'm removed from it, at times as if it happened to someone else. It felt like a release to publish it and I can now look at things from a new perspective. I think sharing what I went through that night has definitely helped with my grieving process.

Eventhough I am still struggling, today I am trying to look at things in a positive way. Here is what I have so far...

1.)  I am thankful that I was at home in Tennessee when all of this happened.  I can not imagine how terribly difficult it would have been to have been 1600 miles away struggling to get to my family. It took David 2 days and $1400 to get there and he felt sad, helpless, and alone that entire time.

2.)  I am thankful that I got to see Alex on his last day on this earth.  I got to give him a hug and talk with him a bit.  If I hadn't been visiting, it would have been since Christmas that I had seen him.

3.)  I am thankful that Alex died instantly on impact in the accident.  I don't know how I would be doing if I knew that I watched as he suffered and burned to death. It is comforting to know that he was not in pain.

4.)  I am also thankful that Alex is not a vegetable - brain dead, laying in a hospital bed only being kept alive by machines, medications, feeding tubes, ect.  I'm thankful that we are not forced to make decisions that would be very difficult regarding his care.

5.)  I am thankful that there was no one in the car with Alex and that no one else was hurt during the accident.

6.)  I am thankful that I have an amazing husband who continues to be supportive of me as I'm struggling with my feelings.  He has done the laundry, the dishes, cleaned the house, and so much more when these tasks seemed too overwhelming for me to tackle.

7.)  I am thankful for my big loving family and all of their support for me, my sister, and my parents even as they are grieving as well.  I am especially thankful for my parents and sister.

8.)  I am thankful for my loving cousin/twin Catherine who flew immediately to Tennessee and stayed with me.  She worked very hard making a beautiful slide show in Alex's memory that we will always treasure.

9)  I am thankful for my beautiful niece Maggie who always brightens the day with her presence. Her uncle "Agalex" loved her dearly.

10)  I am thankful for my loving friends in Utah who have brought David and I dinner for the past three weeks as well as beautiful flowers and sweet cards.  These precious girls know me well - within 24 hours of my arrival back in Utah I had 4 different people bring me cupcakes.  They helped brighten my day when I needed it most.  It would be so much harder to be so far away without the love, care, and generosity of these special people. I am especially thankful for my sweet best friend Emily who has made me feel like I have family out here in Utah when I'm feeling so far from my own.  

11.)  I am thankful for all of the sweet visits (when I was in TN), calls, messages, emails, and cards from my loving friends in Tennessee.  Even though I am far away now, you all continue to show me love and support. I love all of the calls, cards, and messages.

Even in this tragedy I know that God has blessed me and my family beyond what we deserve.  Dealing with the loss of our beloved Alex is still hard, I am struggling still, but we are making it day by day with the help of those who love us.


  1. Great post Julie! You will continue to be in my prayers! That is so wonderful that you have such a greAt support system in Utah!

  2. Julie,
    Girl, you are beyond amazing! I know God has His hand upon your precious soul! Know that I am praying for you and your sweet family, and I love you all so much. I am also thankful for all of those things. I'm especially thankful for your wonderful hubby! That can make all the difference for you. You make our Jesus proud, girl. I know you and Alex were so close, and that, too, is such a blessing for you to have such great memories of that sweet brother. Love you lots!
    Ms. Tanya

  3. It is such an amazing thing to know that you are being taken care of by so many loving people during this difficult time. Love can stretch across such vast distances, Tennessee to Utah, Texas to New York. So many prayers and love have been sent up for you and your family. I know Alex would be proud of everyone, especially of you. I know as you continue to deal with the grieving process that sad thoughts and heartache will start to give way to fond memories and remembering all the wonderful times shared. I think of all of the fun memories and I keep thinking of all the laughter we had at little brother Alex's expense :). It makes me smile to remember him yelling at us and groaning when we would run in early on the weekends and jump on his bed to wake him up, he would be so mad (but I think he liked the attention). I still have a "mix CD" that he made that says " To Kt, love Alex" on it and I remember him rolling his eyes b/c I made him write that on there lol.

    I think about you all the time and as soon as I can I can't wait to come see you, besides Avery will need to meet her amazing Aunt Julie. Big Hug and All my love.


  4. Julie,
    Andy & I continue to pray for you and your family. Your family means so much to us. You are so right about living in a small town and the amazing support you get here. It is awesome! With God's help, you will get through this Julie, time will heal, but I know that there won't be a day that goes by that you don't think of Alex and for that we can thank God for the gift of memory.Just hold on to the fact that you will see him again one day and what a great day that will be.
    We love you Julie!
    Kim Jenkins